Trent Lott (Hypocrisy) 

FACT: When some right-wing bozo decides to quote Lott regarding Jim Jeffords’ "coup of one", or that Jeffords "trumped the will of the American people." Remind them that the Senate was actually split directly down the middle and that Democrats received the most votes in the white house, both popular (by over ½ million votes) and electoral (If all legally cast votes had been counted, and this does not count all the obvious mis-votes and non-votes as a result of the illegal “felon purge” or the Buchanan votes from the illegally designed butterfly ballots). Site “The Drudge Report” as the source for the electoral vote conclusion since most GOP ninnies only saw the incorrect headlines in the major “Liberal” Media. 

Trent Lott (Hypocrisy, Honor and Integrity, Infidelity) 

FACT: Turning to the delicate subject of Gary Condit on FOX News last week, Trent suggested that "Infidelity is always unacceptable... If these allegations are true, obviously he should resign." Resign? Resign? Are you serious? Well, then how about these noteworthy infidels: Newt Gingrich (Who served divorce papers to his wife while she lying in a hospital bed fighting cancer so that he could marry his long time mistress. Fortunately, he’s already gone. He didn't resign because of his affair though, did he? Rudy Guliani is also gone. Unfortunately we still have such well-documented infidels as Henry Hyde, Bob Barr, Dan Burton (Who actually has an illegitimate child) and Tim Hutchinson (see below). And we know the world would be a much better place without them.

Oliver North (Hypocrisy) 

FACT: Olly was bashing Marc Rich on his TV show for selling oil illegally to foreign interests. Wow! Brass Balls!

Republicans (States Rights, Hypocrisy, Election 2000) 

FACT: During the 2000 election, Republicans were all to happy to crush the Florida State Supreme Court's decision to go ahead with the legal manual recount. Certainly, they would like everyone to forget that the "Conservative Principals" by which they live prefer states make their own decisions and remain largely independent from the cold clutches of big federal government. But have no fear, The "Felonious Five" Supreme Court justices that penned this usurpation of democracy (which they wisely declined to sign) included within their ramblings the clause that Gore v. Bush should not be used as precedent in future cases. But why not, you ask. A: Because it's bullshit. So you see, there has been no infraction of states rights because this case isn't a precedent setter. Whew!

Republicans (Hypocrisy, Party Switching) 

FACT: After Trent Lott's comments berating party switching (calling Jeffords a traitor and a "backstabber" of the American Electorate.), you would think that republicans would be vehemently opposed to party-switchers. Au contraire. One look at the RNC's website at the time and you would have seen a press release boasting of all the Democrats who have switched to the Republican party since 1993. "Since President Bush was elected, 24 elected officials have left the Democrat party to become Republicans." bragged RNC Chairman Jim Gilmore. "In the past decade, hundreds of Democrats have become Republicans because they agree with us on the issues." But they're not traitors, oh no. They're patriots. 

Republicans (Election 2000, Hypocrisy) 

FACT: During the Florida Recount last year, the Bush camp built their entire case around one simple argument: If a machine can't read a ballot, then it must not be counted. The Orlando Sentinel reported last week that on Election Day, county officials "made new copies" of at least ten thousand incorrectly marked or torn absentee ballots that optical scanning machines "initially couldn't read" - saving the ballots "from being thrown out." Since absentee ballots went more for Bush than Gore, this "divining of voter intent" by election officials likely handed the election to Bush. We are still waiting for James Baker to take a stand on principle and admit that by his sacrosanct machine-readable-votes-only standard, Bush should have lost. 

Pat Robertson (Hypocrisy, Lies) 04/2002

FACT: "Reverend" Pat Robertson owns a racehorse, but sees no contradiction between condemning gambling and owning racehorses. "I don't bet on my own horses, and I don't think anyone else should either," he said. Pat owns racehorses because he likes to "look at them as performers and study their bloodlines." 

COMMENT: Pat believes that gambling is a sin. But apparently providing the means for and profiting from others gambling is blessed by the almighty himself. Between his dealings with dictators, swindling of the elderly (see the 700 Club) and numerous other contradictions, Robertson earns our medal for THE #1 HYPOCRITE EVER. Congratulations Pat. May you burn in hell for eternity.

Pat Robertson (Greed, Hypocrisy, Despicable behavior) 

FACT: A few years ago, Pat Robertson's oil company, Freedom Gold, wanted to start an mining venture in Liberia. In order to get a foothold in the country, Robertson signed a deal giving President Charles Taylor's regime a 10% ownership in the company. Now for those of you who don't know who Charles Taylor is, here's how Rep. Ed Royce (R) described him: "Charles Taylor has waged a continuous assault on the democratic dreams of the Liberian people. He rules by decree, he suppresses the press... and he sanctions, if not directs, the murder of political opponents. He and his so-called 'inner circle' control virtually all the nation's significant trade... Liberia has been described as Charles Taylor Inc. This corporation is corrupt to its core." Back in 1992, Taylor's rebels entered a convent and had five Americans executed because they were white. 

COMMENT: Is Pat Robertson truly a man of God? Well, if God loves brutal foregn dictators and great financial wealth at the expense of the poor, then you betcha! It is said that the antichrist will appear beneath a façade of peity. Could that be Pat? You betcha!

Pat Robertson (Hypocrisy, Abortion, Women's Rights) 

FACT: Appearing on CNN Robertson spoke regarding China's policy of forced abortion: "Well, you know, I don't agree with it, but at the same time, they've got 1.2 billion people and they don't know what to do,'' said Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition. "If every family over there was allowed to have three or four children, the population would be completely unsustainable... so I think that right now they're doing what they have to do." Pat does note that forced abortion may not necessarily be a good thing: since it's usually female babies that are aborted, the Chinese may soon face "a critical shortage of wives. The young men won't have any women to marry, so it will, in a sense, dilute the - what they consider the racial purity of the Han Chinese. And that to them will be a great tragedy, because then they will have to be importing wives from Indonesia." 

COMMENT: So leet’s see, according to Pious Pat we must have forced abortions for foreigners and absolutely no abortions for US citizens. I see. It doesn’t matter to Pat whether a woman has an abortion or not as long as she has non say in the matter.

Pat Robertson (Bigotry, Hypocricy, Stupidity, 911) 

FACT: Post 911, Jerry Falwell appeared on Pat Robertson's TV show The 700 Club and went off on a tirade against all things liberal. According to Falwell, the disaster occured because God was displeased with feminists, gays, lesbians, abortionists, pagans, the U.S. courts, the ACLU and the People for the American Way. "I point the finger in their face and say, you helped this happen," he announced. For Falwell to even think of making such comments in the first place is sickening; to make them on behalf of a religion which is supposed to promote forgiveness, tolerance and compassion is despicable. To that, Pat Robertson said, "Oh, I agree." 

Donald Rumsfeld (Hypocrisy, Lies, Military)

FACT: ABC News released details of Rumsfeld's defense plans last week, which include eliminating a carrier battlegroup (6,000-8,000 sailors, 80 airplanes, three to five support ships), 15,000 troops based in Europe, 30,000 troops from the National Guard and three fighter squadrons (about 70 planes and more than 1,000 people). After Bill Clinton was constantly bashed by Republicans for shrinking the U.S. military, the Pentagon has now decided that "it is essential to cut forces if the United States is going to realistically meet overseas commitments." The cuts are needed to pay for the administration's proposed missile defense system, and the new F-22 fighter (which was incidentally designed to fight wars against the former Soviet Union).

David Bunning (Bigotry, Hypocrisy, Nepotism, Aristocracy, Affirmative Action) 

FACT: David Bunning, a 35-year-old kid whom the American Bar Association deemed "not qualified," was nominated for a federal judgeship. It turns out that David Bunning is the son of Republican Senator Jim Bunning so you can rest assured that he was approved.

COMMENT: It is well known that conservatives believe jobs should be awarded entirely on the basis of merit. This is the basis for their opposition to affirmative action of any kind. So all this talk of so-called "merit" is just a smoke screen to filter out those pesky minorities and woman. Oh well, that's OK, cuz rich kids deserve this support while others don't. (See also Strom Thurmond Jr., Scalia Jr., Bush Jr., Michael Powell - FCC Chief) 

Linda Chavez (Anti-Labor, Hypocrisy, Criminal, Slavery) 

FACT: Linda Chavez-Thompson is nominated as Secretary of Labor. It is discovered that she has been using Guatemalan immigrant Marta Mercado as a house servant for two years, paying her about $14 per week, a total of $1,500 over that span. She withdraws her nomination. Chavez had led the charge against Clinton nominee Zoe Baird, who had hired an illegal immigrant as nanny and paid her prevailing rates. Chavez also is a foe of minimum wage laws. Elaine Chao, wife of Senator Mitch McConnell, replaces her. 

Tom Feeney - (Election 2000, Hypocrisy)

FACT: You may recall Mr. Feeney as the man who led the fight to have the Florida legislature appoint its own set of electors for GW Bush just in case the US Supreme Court ruled in favor of Al Gore. Hey, remember when Al got blasted for wanting to win by any means necessary? Anyway, after last week balking at the Sunshine State election reform task-force's recommendation that $40 million should be spent on fixing Florida's election system, Feeney said, "I don't fix something that's not broken." 

John Fund (Hypocrisy, Sleaze, Honor and Integrity) 2002

FACT: John Fund, the ultraconservative, militant, anti-choice, hate-monger who endlessly attacked Bill Clinton for his lack of morals, had first encouraged his pregnant ex-girlfriend to get an abortion and now has been arrested and charged with assault. Fund had a fight with his aforementioned ex-girlfriend, Morgan Pillsbury, which resulted in a physical injury for Morgan and an arrest for Fund.

COMMENT: Just a side note: Fund is 20 years older than Morgan and he used to be her baby sitter while he was dating her mother. Honor and Dignity, conservative style. 

Philip Giordano (Honor and Integrity, Criminal, Hypocrisy) 

FACT: According to the Hartford Courant, Republican Mayor Philip Giordano of Waterbury, CT, was arrested by the FBI for "using an interstate facility to entice a minor to engage in sexual activity, and conspiracy to use an interstate facility to entice a minor to engage in sexual activity." Giordano is being held without bail and faces up to ten years in prison. 

Philip Giordano (Despicable Behavior, Criminal, Hypocrisy, Honor and Integrity)

FACT: Philip Giordano, the Mayor of Waterbury, CT, was arrested on federal charges of child sex abuse. It turns out that Giordano had an "inappropriate relationship" with two girls, aged 9 and 10. That's the sick and disgusting part - now for the arch hypocrisy. Philip Giordano ran against Joe Lieberman for Senate last year, and it was reported last week that during the campaign, Giordano blasted Lieberman for failing to "protect children from pedophiles." 

Rudy Guliani (Hypocrisy, Honor and Integrity, Infidelity) 

FACT: Rudy was perhaps the most classless infidel in recent memory, publicly maligning his wife while flaunting his mistress. A Truly classless individual! Recall that Rudy was an outspoken critic in the campaign against Clinton’s own infidelity.

Karen Hughes  (Hypocrisy, Honor and Dignity) 

FACT: USA Today reported that the White House overnight list was free from big campaign contributors. Bush is "keeping his promise," she said by keeping his contributors out of the Lincoln Bedroom. It is now known, however, that indeed Bush has had at least his top 6 donors overnight. Even worse, Bush:
1) gave them a huge tax cut
2) Let them crush Japanese students while piloting a US nuclear submarines
3) Installed them in cushy ambassadorships
4) Told us we would have to spend our fake tax “rebates” on their overpriced fuel, and 
5) Let them trash the environment for their profit. 

Tim Hutchinson (Hypocrisy, Honor and Integrity, Infidelity) 

FACT: It is well-known that Tim cheated on his wife. Recall that Hutchinson was a leader in the campaign against Clinton’s own infidelity.

Henry Hyde (Hypocricy, Honor and Integrity, Infidelity) 

FACT: It is well-known that Hyde cheated on his wife. Recall that Hyde was a leader in the campaign against Clinton’s own infidelity. Shockingly, there were no follow-up impeachment hearings for Hyde.

Jim Jeffords (Party Switching)

FACT: Jim took much abuse for his courageous move away from the GOP. "A Coup of one" spouts Trent Lott, Vile Chris "Democrat-my-ass" Mathews presents this 18 year old example, "When Phil Gramm felt he was being pushed around by the Democrats and quit the party, he quit the Congress, went home to the people of Texas that elected him and gave them the decision if they wanted to reelect him as a Republican. He decently gave it back to the voters. This character [Jeffords] says I'm just going to change party label. All you Republicans that voted for me tough stuff. I'm now going to be the independent Democrat voting senator from Vermont and you're fools to have voted for me." It's true. Mouthews conveniently decided to use an 18 year old example of party-switching and not mention the more recent Democratic defectors Richard Shelby and Ben Nighthorse Campbell, who went Republican in 1995 without giving up their seats. 

George Pataki (Hypocrisy, Taxpayers' Money) 

FACT: When George Pataki ran against Mario Cuomo for New York Governor, he blasted Cuomo for using public money to swan around the state in a private jet. But what's this? It would appear that Governor Pataki took 34 flights between March 1999 and November 2000, to the tune of $136,636. Not only that, but Pataki decided that rather than use state aircraft he would take luxury charter jets, and managed to get a temporary waiver so that he could spend more than the state-allowed limit on these flights. 

Lisa Riddle and Brigham McCown (Hypocrisy, Lies, Election 2000) 

FACT: The last time they showed up at the Palm Beach County Election Office, political consultant Riddle and attorney McCown were furiously arguing that dimpled chads would not, could not, and should not ever count as votes. That was, of course, when it looked like their man Bush might fail in his bid to cheat his way into the White House. Luckily, these two little GOP Nazi's heeded the decree by the felonious five not to use "Bush v. Gore" as any sort of precedent. Indeed, their U-turn prowess went unmatched as they appeared at the Election Office again last week to argue on behalf of Boca Raton council candidate Susan Saxton, who finished two votes behind incumbent Dave Freudenberg after Tuesday's election and Wednesday's machine recount. Of course dimpled ballots should count as votes, they argued, it's clear evidence of a voter's intent! When asked about this blatant inconsistency, McClown said, "there's no inconsistency". 

Chuck Spingola (Bigotry, Intolarance, Hypocricy, Stupidity) 

FACT: Chuck Spingola, and some members of his ministry, "Missionaries of the Pre-Born" were visiting the University of Wisconsin campus to talk about the evils of abortion and homosexuality, which unfortunately didn't go down too well with some of the students. During a confrontation, Spingola allegedly started choking a gay man, while telling him that his time had come to go to hell. 

Jane Swift ( Criminal, Lies, Hypocrisy)

FACT:  A $100 fine? That's what Massachusetts Governor Jane Swift got when it was revealed last week that she and her husband, Charles Hunt, lied on their 1994 marriage application by saying he had been married only once before, when in fact he had been married, um, three previous times. According to the Boston Globe, Swift said that they were trying to keep her husband's "private life private," and they obviously "made a misguided decision." Never mind that she is an elected official who committed perjury. Recall that the last elected official who committed perjury in order to keep his “private life private” was impeached. Oh, but of course Swift is a Republican and laws don’t apply to them.

Republicans (States Rights, Hypocrisy, Election 2000) 

FACT: During the 2000 election, Republicans were all to happy to crush the Florida State Supreme Court's decision to go ahead with the legal manual recount. Certainly, they would like everyone to forget that the "Conservative Principals" by which they live prefer states make their own decisions and remain largely independent from the cold clutches of big federal government. But have no fear, The "Felonious Five" Supreme Court justices that penned this usurpation of democracy (which they wisely declined to sign) included within their ramblings the clause that Gore v. Bush should not be used as precedent in future cases. But why not, you ask. A: Because it's bullshit. So you see, there has been no infraction of states rights because this case isn't a precedent setter. Whew!